Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

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Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster
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I only have experience in video games, and in the vast majority of them the chainshot is the most OP shot type you can use. Enemies can’t escape or evade you if their masts have all been cut in half. 😌

I was gonna pick bar shot for similar reasons. I feel like the flexible chain would allow for too much loss of energy. Pure guess though, IANA 18th century naval warfare expert

Not with that attitude, you won’t be. :)



In Sid Meier’s Pirates! it was the objectively correct choice 99% of the time. Even a tiny ship could take out a ship of the line with a few well-placed chain shot barrages, and ships would pretty much always surrender the instant they lost their mast.

I think the story battles were an exception to the instant surrender rule, but without their sails you could switch to grape shot and pepper their helpless vessel until they had no crew left, then board for an instant victory.

I miss that game. I should redownload it and see how it holds up.

In that game the OP tactic was ramming ships of the line with a war canoe (it sails faster than cannonballs fly so you can evade them), then beating up the captain so his 2000 trained Marines will surrender to your 50 brigands.

I could never get the timing down on the dueling minigame. Chain shot is risk-free (and cost-free since dueling risks your crew), plus the dueling minigame gets harder as your character gets older but your sailing muscle memory remains reliable forever.

The dueling minigame goes into muscle memory, as well.
And it uses the same timing, mechanics and keys as the dancing minigame.





Sorry but this is only good on sea.

Enemies can’t advance or retreat if they have no legs. 😤

First thought was shooting parallel to floor, then ppl where talking about masts. I was like oh, ok that makes sense too.

there’s also that a lot died of infection.

The vast majority of wounds documented during the Civil War were caused by the Minié ball, while the rest were from grapeshot, canister or other exploding shells. Few men were treated for saber or bayonet wounds and even fewer for cannon ball wounds.

Unfortunately for the soldiers and the surgeons, the Civil War was fought just years before the widespread acceptance of the Germ Theory and the understanding of antisepsis and the sterilization of instruments and equipment. The Civil War surgeons performed their work as best they could, but did not have the knowledge of the role germs played in causing infection. While some antiseptic substances like iodine and bromine were used, the reason for their effectiveness was unknown. The discovery of antibiotics was still decades in the future.


Again, a shot that spreads wide would affect more men then 1 straight saw.

Longer chain.

Just launch Walter Dornez at them. At some point it becomes basically the same thing.






I’m also thinking of video games, but mine isn’t as realistic:

https://www.bloonswiki.com/Grape_Shot_(BTD6)



Chain shot but it has to be fired from a double barrel cannon

He considered the test firings a success! Can’t help but feel happy for him.

He wrecked shit and killed a cow. Banger.



If you made this today, but with precision ignition system and lightweight ultra high tensile wire rope, it would be catastrophic for that cow.

You mean it would be killed more instantaneously?


Test fired in Georgia, cow remains raining clear up in Maine.


i had this idea: maybe one could achieve simultaneous firing by using only one combustion chamber with pressure valves that open channels to the cannon balls

Thing is, the cannon ball IS the pressure valve. And since one of them will invariably go faster than the other one, the whole thing will be even less unpredictable with one half of the chain still in the barrel

Or why not load them linearly into a single barrel. It’d shoot out straight but would likely develop asymmetries and build up a moment of inertia eventually resulting in the bolas motion they’re likely intending.

That’s what you normally do with chain shot.
Unless that was the joke, of course.



then just make it so the canonball is NOT the pressure valve. tge way i see it is you just gotta let tge explosion build up for a bit so the pressure equalizes





“It blew up and almost killed us, perfect.”


This looks like a success to me. Just imagine this: replace the thicket with the enemy army, you fire one shot and the rest of the army retreats.


From the descriptions of the aftermath, I can see where the mangler squigs got their inspiration from.


I’m pretty sure they fired chain shot from single barreled cannon. On ships, they have two cannonballs connected with a chain and they powder the barrel and load them both in the barrel, then when they fire it the balls spread out and it takes down rigging and masts on ships.

They did, but I love how unpredictable the double barrel cannon was and that the inventor thought it was a success

I never even knew about it thanks for the link will have to check it out. Seems if you didn’t fire at exactly the same time the gunner crew would get wasted, which was not uncommon back then in any case. Being a cannon gunner was not a great job. Early exploding shot was really dangerous too.

i would have been a great cannon gunner, as I’m not a stranger to early exploding shot meself.






All my homies love grape shot

Grape shot is for shredding ship hulls. At close ish range it blows through the hull turning it into foot long slivers impaling everyone behind it. Cannister is more anti personnel, and smaller.




I gotta go with round shot.

it really says “fuck you and your boat, I don’t even want to steal it from you”

Carcass is cool too I guess. But it’s no 6” hole punched through the hull. 

Ball gang rise up. It’s iconic, and dismembered men in formations wholesale, and knocked them down to boot. There’s usually no need for the rest of these innovative horrors, they just seem unsporting.



It fucking depends on the target weakness bro.

Mats and spars? Bar.

Rigging? Chain.

Crew during close action? Grape.

Clearing the decks with the quarterdeck swivel gun before boarding? Canister.

Hulling below the water line, long distance attempts, and knocking away their guns? Round.



bar shot, because it also implies the existence of giants with piercings

I’m just imagining giantess pierced nipples

My day has markedly improved. I be in my bunk




Carcass shot. Who doesn’t enjoy a little incendiary cannon shot?

The Kinder Surprise Egg of cannon shots. I’m sold!



The chain shot looks like it could hurt

I imagine it spiraling


Chain shot was principally to take out rigging on ships, to leave them unable to steer and all that.



Canister shot all the way. Imagine having to charge a cannon position firing this stuff?


I came here for the drink damnit. I want something that does this

Its effects are similar to “having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”

I think my cousin created a drink based on this; red bull, bacardi lemon and that weird stuff with the gold flakes in it iirc


that sounds pretty good, I’ll have to try it sometime




Cross their T and rake the decks with grape shot!


Best one is a round shot, but only if Baron Munchausen is ridding it.


Loved this Gilliam banger as a kid. Robin Williams, Uma Thurman, and Gilliam’s Monty Python alum Eric Idle are in it for those who haven’t seen. As an adult I see a lot of parallels with that movie and Tarsem’s “The Fall” (2006). They’re giving hopeful yet melancholic fairy tale energy.

We had a copy of this on vhs as a kid, grew up with it on repeat.




I didn’t know they had Pepsi when these were used….

https://youtu.be/fZJNsDagK2g


shibari shot~~~


Can someone make an copy of this but bar shot is clearly a nipple peircing.


Canister shot.

I thought of something else when I saw the grape shot.


What exactly is “pilk"´?


I assumed it was some sort of old thing I hadn’t heard of, but searching yields nothing (but the Pepsi/milk thing). Which then made me wonder if the word’s a typo, and if so, what word it’s supposed to be. It appears to just be a rather random weird joke.

I think the idea is that your dying enemies will probably get some of that foul concoction in their mouths, thus suffering more as they die. Probably will smell awful cleaning it too - I bet the carbonic acid in the soda sours the milk, so you’d have strange and smelly “cheeses” with that mix of deck’s bacteria. Perhaps irreparable and they have to sink the ship.

Or the cannon ball is meant to contaminate the oil with pilk, but unfortunately a golf runs on pilk.





Don’t forget Hot Shot (heated shot).


Canister shot is great for sweeping clean decks full of disagreeable royalists.


Okay, so each has its use but I would offer this assuming we’re in a stern chase. Chain and bar to disable or at least lower speed and maneuverability so that the foe is unable to escape. Rake the stern with round to disable guns as you come up alongside, if you’re able to slow them enough, try to get raking shots from both broadsides by zig zagging your course. Canister and grape from your upper deck guns to sweep the foe if you intend to carry them via boarding, if not pound away with round shot and if you can, rake them again from forward if you over haul.


Carcass shot was at least originally out of howitzers with a fuse to blow over the heads of the fired on. And it was like gunpowder and I think turnpentine and I forget wrapped in canvas with iron rings around it, the iron rings would turn into shrapnel when it exploded.

Every so often the fuse would fault and blow up the gun crew.


Langrage.

Kind of just the kitchen sink of whatever the fuck you had around. Often used by pirates because at close range when attempting to board you can shred a lot more people and also do a lot of damage to sails in quick time


Please, I love all my children.


What about cutlery? A nice fork to the eye


Grape shot’s a great shot



a man has a gun

hey man have fun

nice shot man

nice shot


neat! and, it is not prohibited by the Hague Convention. wunderbar!



every time I see bar shot I think of a tiktok post that said “giants exist, here is proof” implying it’s a giant nipple piercing


Hotchkiss and parrot, because I like to put my own spin on these kinds of things.


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