Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.
The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.
No, wait, that's ears.
The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.
No, no, that's still not right.
The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*
*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.
If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.
About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.
The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."
So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.
Worse, he sued and was rewarded some form of compensation because some judge agreed that it is not obvious that pool noodles shouldn't stuck up an ass.
Thanks to the new administration the *Fierce Agents of Rectum Tenderisation* (formerly *Ass Secret Service*), an untrained elite force of volunteers, can now inspect the depths of your rectum without a warrant or notice.
They try to be a pain in your ass to keep the country safe!
What if I cook them in the air fryer instead of in oil and let them cool down first? When I talked to my doctor, he seemed to indicate it was a good compromise as long as I stick with organic ingredients.
PieFed.World
no banana
What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
Get your hands off my
penisanus!Get your hands off my spring roll!
No, see, uh, boofing just means getting really drunk. Please let me be on the Supreme Court. I didn't put alcohol up my ass.
Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.
This is democracy manifest!
First they came for the spring rolls...
Then I came for the spring rolls
Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3
They also came for frozen potatoes
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
You’re saying I should make anal beads from spring rolls?
Way ahead of you.
And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"
And I stayed silent because I wasn't a spring roll
Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?
the ring isn't flared at the base that's why
Funniest meme of the day.
Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.
Because it means you have to poop out your mouth.
No i have an eating disorder.
Literally 1984
Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).
You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.
Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.
My spring rolls, my choice.
Why so strict? Let loose a little, give the choice to put juicy Asian rolls up you butt to someone else ...
💢MY FUCKING SPRING ROLLS, MY FUCKING CHOICE, GODDAMMIT!💢
(Much amgery stomping noises ~fading off into the distance~)
[DOOR SLAMS VIOLENTLY, KNOCKING SEVERAL DECORATIVE DISHES FROM THEIR DISPLAY STANDS. END OF SCENE.]
[the audience gets served fresh spring rolls]
[APPLAUSE]
Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.
Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again
Forbidden suppository
Too late, please advise.
mmm i need lumpia
Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business
Lest I checked, this was a free country
I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.
Other people in the restaurant?
Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?
One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?
Only thing I can think of is a deep fried spring roll can be pretty sharp at the edges and can tear the delicate skin there.
Are egg rolls still fair game though?
Why wouldn't they be?
Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.
What about egg rolls?
That's okay
Frozen? Or no?
Only way to get them solid enough, really
Well how else are men supposed to get pregnant? Gotta have an egg to get fertilized.
The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.
No, wait, that's ears.
The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.
No, no, that's still not right.
The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*
*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.
If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.
i thought it was that the only thing you should put in your ear was your anus so you could hear the brass section
edit: also get pink ear, can't forget about that
With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao
(Also 69th comment 🤙)
Health and safety gone mad
I can do whatever I want >:(
Awww, puts them back in the fridge
Hmmmm, leftovers!
Where else am I supposed to store them?
Somebody else's buthole,
Can't have any fucking fun anymore, what's next, I'm not allowed to shove croissants up my anus?
About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.
The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."
So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.
Worse, he sued and was rewarded some form of compensation because some judge agreed that it is not obvious that pool noodles shouldn't stuck up an ass.
Honestly, what right-thinking, red-blooded man doesn't look at a pool noodle and go "You know what?"
I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.
AI or Stupid humans?
Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?
Only allowed now if the other end is in your opponent.
Sellouts.
MAHA says veggies are important.
Thanks to the new administration the *Fierce Agents of Rectum Tenderisation* (formerly *Ass Secret Service*), an untrained elite force of volunteers, can now inspect the depths of your rectum without a warrant or notice.
They try to be a pain in your ass to keep the country safe!
You sure can't plug them away!
(Not to be confused with Butt Patrol Agents)
IT IS MY RIGHT!
You have a right and a left butthole?
🫦
How about don't put anything in your anus unless it was specifically designed to go there
Where's the fun in that?
designed by who? some god? a scientist? the hillfolk committee for ethics and morality to buttholes and butthole alternatives?
What if I already did hypothetically what would I do if I had already done that hypothetically can someone help me hypothetically?
cylinder.
lol that’s what I thought of too when I wrote that.
You're not my real dad, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!
What about lumpia? Asking for a friend
those are to work your way up to spring rolls which are to work your way up to egg rolls, according to my kinky laotian friend
There go my weekend plans
What, do you think I'm going to put that in my MOUTH???!!
eventually yeah. that's called general tzo's dickin
Shit it was at the entrance! Glad I was scrolling Lemmy with Elvis Can’t Help Falling in Love, playing in the background.
Well obviously not frozen. And also not straight out of the fryer. But left to cool down, after cooking. Why not?
What if I cook them in the air fryer instead of in oil and let them cool down first? When I talked to my doctor, he seemed to indicate it was a good compromise as long as I stick with organic ingredients.
Do they expect Assy McGee to starve??
We should tell this to RJK Jr, he said to not listen at experts.
Just .... just don't double dip
Welp, there go my weekend plans
Too fucking late Doc, I’m farting essence of fried cabbage and cat meat until Thanksgiving’s giving.